Friday, July 8, 2011

General Kang Is A Bollywood Villain

We all love The Washington Post - who doesn't? Recently they published what they called a 'purported letter' that Jon Byong Ho, Secretary of the Workers Party of Korea supposedly wrote to AQ Khan in July 1998. 

There are some remarkably interesting excerpts from this path-breaking document. This is 'Covert Op' literature at its discreet best; an entangled web of deceit and counter-intelligence that would relegate the collective brilliance of Sherlock Holmes, Albert Einstein, Jack The Ripper & Ethan Hunt to embarrassing gallows of shame.

"Gen. Kang Tae Yung came back with the body of his wife. How kind of you to send Mr. Badrul and Mr. Farooq and arrange the Airforce Boeing Plane. I am certain that Gen. Kang was the target and I have no doubt that the CIA, South Korean intelligence agents and your ISI were involved." - Jon Byong Ho

I'm speechless - Why Jon Byong Ho never featured in any list or compilation of '1000 Greatest Men Ever Born' is inexplicably beyond me. Such benevolence and compassion merits to be recorded in glowing words and added to the most distinguishing chapters of modern history. Oh, the ISI whacked my General's Missus, but hey Doc - thanks for the jet ride. More importantly, the above paragraph is an unparalleled guideline for all students of code language. Even as Jon Byong is encapsulated with grief caused by the loss of Mrs. General's life, he doesn't fail to remember the importance of discretion. While he categorically mentions the more popular CIA and ISI by their organizational names, the neighbors are treated with intrigue and very diplomatically written off as 'South Korean Intelligence Agents.' One needs to understand that Langley is actually one of the busiest work environments on earth, which is why sometimes it's only fair if it skips your mind to Google NIS (National Intelligence Service).

"Since Gen. Kang's life is in danger, I am sending Mr. Yon in his place. Mr. Yon has served in Iran, Egypt, Syria and Libya and is very competent." - Jon Byong

Of course, it was imperative that Jon Byong clearly specified in writing exactly who his 007 was. Not only that, the ever helpful Byong was accommodating enough to also reveal Yon's pedigree by describing the "markets" he had previously served in. This was necessary to facilitate CIA in the future, so they wouldn't go through a lot of hassles and would be able to conduct the background check on Yon with relative ease. Pure genius.

"Gen. Kang told me that 3 million Dollars have already been paid to Army Chief Gen. J. Karamat and half a million Dollars and three diamond and ruby sets have been given to Gen. Zulfiqar Khan." - Jon Byong Ho

This is me favorite - this is the point where it appears that Jon Byong must have had a secret desire to write the script of a 1970s Bollywood movie. Reading this part transported me back to the world of ostentatious villain dens, flashy cabaret dancers and smugglers. Diamonds? Ruby Sets? I was half expecting the famous Indian cop, Inspector Vijay Kumar to appear in the next sentence. Jon Byong's meticulousness is demonstrated by the fact that he's particular to add the prefix, 'Army Chief' before mentioning General Karamat. It made sense - Dr. AQ Khan would've been clueless otherwise that Byong was talking about the boss.

"Please give the agreed documents, components etc. to Mr. Yon to be flown back when our plane returns after delivery of missile components." - Jon Byong

This really is the pivot of the whole exercise - continuing his streak of congeniality, Jon Byong succinctly mentions the Missiles. He was, after all, very concerned about assisting future legal proceedings in International Courts of Law. Yes, the fact that this letter is as close as it can get to being a Purchase Order is primarily to assist Prosecutors in preparing a strong case. Who alleged that the North Koreans were not cooperative? Jon Byong Ho has dispelled that myth so that future generations of North Koreans can hold their heads high with pride.

An introspection of this letter reveals that Byong Ho is merely the mouthpiece; the boss calling the shots is, in fact, General Kang. 

The General's intention to ensure that this letter was written is fascinating. 

Hypothetically, if he had a Twitter account, he'd probably tweet the following:

(1) Byong Ho just provided written evidence that we're buying nukes from Pakis. God willing, The Washington Post will publish it. #GenKangFamous

(2) Enroute to NKorea. The Missus lying dead next to me. Thanking CIA+ISI for whacking the slag. #GenKangSingleAndVeryEasilyAvailable

(3) The dead Missus kept whining why I gave her jewelry to the Paki Generals. Told ISI. Bye Bye Mrs Kang #MrsPakiGeneralShowingOffDiamonds

(4) AQ Khan sent Badru+Fooqa to arrange jet. They added 2 Uzbek babes to ease the pain of Missus death. #GenKangLiking

(5) Told Byong to clearly mention our "Secretest Agent" Yon in the letter. Want Yanks to make a movie on him #GenKangMakingYonTheNewJamesBond

(6) Yon in Iran. Yon in Egypt. Yon in Syria. Yon in Libya. 4 movie scripts. Massive franchise potential. #GenKangInHollywood  

(7) Gen Karamat could make 30 in armour purchase. Convinced him on 3 for nukes. #GenKangPuttingDonaldTrumpToShame      

(8) Told Byong to write MISSILES in letter. Would be such fun when the Court builds its strong case #GenKangLawProtector

(9) Dreaming about the court case - Would love to shout "You Can't Handle The Truth" #GenKangInAFewGoodMenPartTwo

(10) Pakis & NKoreans are very honest - Always discuss nuke trading in written letters #GenKangShouldGetNobelPrize

If you click at The Washington Post here, do note in the Comment Box that the overwhelming majority of people has no problem or apprehension whatsoever in believing that this tripe is an actual letter exchanged between officials of North Korea and Pakistan. It reaffirmed my belief in the low Yank IQ and their display of naivete didn't surprise me in the least. However, the best was yet to come. When I read the same report on The Express Tribune, as you can see here, most of my fellow Pakis had expressed similar sentiments in the Comment Box. This, of course, as I'm assuming would've been done without deep introspection of the published letter.

Some of the observations mentioned in this Blog Post were added by me in the Tribune Comment Box; however the moderator chose not to publish them. I wonder why? Is it exclusively reserved for fellow citizens, Americans and Indians who're merrily slagging off Pak Army with uninformed innuendos on this particular subject?

Nevertheless, it propelled me to build on the five lines I'd written there and enhance it to a Blog Post; one that I've written after a sabbatical of a few months. Hence, I'd like to thank The Tribune Trolls (T3) for providing the antidote to my Writer's Block. Cheers!